Olde English "800" is a malt liquor brewed by Miller Brewing Co. As far as malt liquors go, this is actually one of the better ones, having won a few awards at the Great American Beer Festival, including a gold medal for American Specialty Lager in 1997. Unlike many GABF winners, it costs $2 for a 40oz and comes in a "SHATTER PROOF" plastic bottle.
Style: American Malt Liquor
ABV: 5.9% (changes regionally and comes in several versions)
IBUs: Beats the hell out of me... it's not terribly bitter.
Availability: Year-round, it's everywhere. And cheap.
[Quick Notes] This clear, pale golden colored malt beverage yields aromas of malty corn and rice sweetness, wet cardboard, old newspaper, and a hint of frothy piss. The flavor follows, tasting like sweet, malty adjuncts like corn and rice, some stale bread, the cardboard and newspaper again, with a metallic, dry finish. The flavors aren't overwhelming and the mouthfeel is smooth and creamy, going down quite easily. While this isn't an overly impressive brew, I must admit I expected much worse. Not a whole lot different from most cheap beer, in my honest opinion.
[Appearance] Pours a very clear, light golden straw color, capped with a surprisingly impressive fluffy white head that sticks around quite well and actually leaves some good lacing on the glass.
[Aroma] The aroma is relatively strong, with plenty of adjunct malty sweetness, which is mostly a corn and rice sort of sweetness. Something sort of creamy, like creamed corn mixed with a little bit of frothy piss. Something is a little stale smelling, like wet cardboard or newspaper, a little musty and old. There's actually a surprising bit of malt backbone to it, the actual barley maltiness isn't completely hidden by adjuncts.
[Flavor] Surprisingly, the flavor is not all that strong, but leads with lots of corn adjunct character. That creamy, cheap, sweet flavor that you associate with cheap beer, but it's not really hidden by much of anything else. There's a bit of stale bread and wet graininess in there, just backing up that corn/rice adjunct flavor. Oof, the finish is a little iffy. There's some stale, wet cardboard/newspaper flavor going on, along with something a little metallic and harsh in the finish. The aftertaste is a lot more corn, very sweet and dry, along with that metallic character. The finish is surprisingly dry and long as well. Honestly, while some of the flavors are a bit unpleasant, none of them are all that strong, and the overwhelming majority of the flavor is a pretty standard adjunct, beery sort of flavor.
[Mouthfeel] Actually quite smooth, the body is just about medium, and quite creamy, while the carbonation is surprisingly low. I expected an over-carbonated mess, but this is actually pretty easy to drink, with moderate carbonation to keep it moving.
[Overall] Quite honestly, this could have been a lot worse. The flavor was pretty much just like most adjunct macro-lagers, in my opinion. For $2 a 40oz bottle, this was far better than I'd expected. To be perfectly honest, I would pick this up just as readily as I would any other cheap, mass-produced lager. It tastes very stereotypically "beery", has some off-putting flavors, but all in all isn't that offensive. If I did a side-by-side tasting with any cheap beer, I really doubt I would be able to tell them apart.
I'm as shocked as you are, but I really didn't mind this. I wouldn't reach for it over any decent beer, but I would sure put it on the same level as most cheap American adjunct lagers. There you have it folks! I think most of you were hoping to see me suffer through drinking some cheap malt liquor, and I myself was expecting to write a comically awful review, but I'd rather be honest and tell you what I think. So, socioeconomic stereotypes aside, if you ever feel like drinking some cheap malt-based alcoholic beverage (even if you won't be taping 2 of them to your hands), then don't write off Olde English.
There you have it! You jerks wanted me to suffer through some horrible malt liquor like a typical beer snob, but I didn't hate it! I'm feeling emboldened, so I think I'll do another one of these polls soon. Write a comment and let me know if you have any other ideas for what you'd like me to review.
Cheers!
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| A nice screw-on plastic cap for responsibly postponing drinking the rest of your 40oz of malt liquor... |
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